Breaking my Silence

The last time I bore my testimony, I lied. I didn’t complete believe the things I was saying, I was only saying them because I knew that’s what you were supposed to say and the things that you wanted to hear. The truth of the matter is that for a long time I’ve been questioning religion as a whole. I didn’t say anything however because even though I felt ashamed for lying and utterly uncomfortable and out of place at church is because I was afraid of disappointing you. So I continued to attend. I tried to give it my all, I really did but the longer I attended and the more I learned about certain things the more I questioned and just couldn’t wrap my head around certain concepts. I feel it’s safe to say, I’m agnostic. No that isn’t just the ‘lazy man’s atheist’. I can’t outright deny the presence of a greater force at work in the lives of people especially if I try to use logic because I’ve heard of some things just outright denying logic. However at the same time there are just concepts and trends that all religions share that make me question it, and I will continue questioning for a long time. If you were paying close enough attention you probably already figured this all out. However it needed to be said as I have been avoiding outright saying it out of fear of losing those who I care about. I know it’s a silly fear, if they care about me the same way I care about them, then it shouldn’t matter what I say they should accept me all the same. I am so tired of clamming up out of fear of losing those I care about. So this is it. This is the beginning of me trying to declare who I am to the world. If you don’t like it or can’t accept it, I’m sorry but there’s nothing I can do about it. I’ve struggled and kept silent for too long.

Hi, again.

Wow, I totally forgot I had this, whoops. Well to begin with I was re-reading some of my older posts and holy crap, my grammar, my spelling, my lack of proof reading and editing, I apologize for all of that. If I do keep up with this I promise to try and be more vigilant in those regards. Anyway, I feel the most appropriate way to summarize what has happened to me recently is too use a series of photos so here we go.

Yep, I believe that about sums it up. Anyway, let's see if I post later on.

Long Time No Blog

That's it. I haven't blogged in a while, felt I needed to post one, and this is this best I can come up with.

Sooo

HAven't updated in a while. SO first off boys.

(prepare yourself for super rambly paragraph)
So one day my frend and I were walking to go get or mail, we get there and she has mail, so we begin to make a scene about how she has a mail and this random guy decides he'll start a conversation with her. So we talk for a bit then he sarts talking with someone else so m friend and I leave as we're wallking now to the mini mall to get some quick essentials like TP and deodorant, we hear same said guy say "so I take it you like hot topic" in reference to me (I was wearing a lovely ensemble which did include something I had bought off of hot topics sales rack) SO I replied "I love hot topic!" we conitnue talking and hung out more for the next couple weeks. One day we're sitting listwning to my music, comparing music tastes, and well lets say most epic first kiss ever mostly due to the fact that we were listening to I Do Beleive in Fairies from the PEter Pan soundtrack! Ah amazing. Not long after that we decide we should be boyfriend girlfriend A couple more weeks pass, and I start noticing a trend in his behavior, half the time he seems annoyed by me and the other half he seems more interested in plain getting physical. ENough to say the reltionship didn't last much longer. Now he's all upset and doesn't understand why I am mad at him....he was sposed to move yesterday, but now he's not moving because he's awaiting punishment for getting caught with alchohol in his car, he's only 19.

On a much more pleasent note, I'm nearly halfway through with my schoolings! YAY!

I need to write another blog post but this ones it for now cuz ex wont stop texting me, which just is keeping me in a bad mood.

Excuse this intereption.

A Breif Message from our Writer.


DO NOT TELL ME WHAT I BELEIVE! DO NOT TELL ME WHO I AM!

I am me.

You can be you.

I won't mind. Part of the great thing about this world is its diversity. Sure I want whats best for all the people I know and love, and I may not agree with you on everything but thats also apart of life. I'm not gonna try and tell you who you are, that up to you to decide.

I know not everyone is gonna agree. But thats also part of life.

I'm also pretty sure they're may be those people who read this and will get totally offended for some reason or other. My intention is not to offend, its to vent some frustration.

Anway again I reinterate.

I will be me, you can be you. We don't have to agree on everything, we might not like all the same things, but until the day where I am you and you are me, please just be yourself.

- - - -

After thought stuff

Ummm ok so I just read this over, and it makes like little to no sense. I'm leaving it up because well I want to.

I wasn't trying to be all inspirational or anything I was just frustrated from people and rather than bottle it in and wonder what would happen if I didn't vent the frustration, I poured it out onto here.


Anyway I hope all of your days are well.

Cinamon Rolls!

So last night I have a dream about Cinamon Rolls! Warm Gooey fresh from the oven with mounds of icing Cinamon Rolls! And just before I was about to take a bite out of the sugary goodness, I woke up :( THis put me in the mood for Cinamon Rolls all day which I didn't get til around lunchtime, and they were store bought pre made stuffs. No matter they were still yummy :3

Also I was singing today. I still think I sound a little well crappy, but thats probably mostly due to the fact that I haven't sang in a while. In fact I was making up songs, more songs that sound like they belong as part of a musical, but still, and as usual since I didn't write it down or record it as soon as it showed up in my brain the songs I made up (I had two seperate songs going) are now vanished, can't recall how they went at all :(

Last nights episode of TBBt had me laughing and squeeling like some stupid fangirl (which yes I'm a fangirl but when I say this I'm reffferring to the over the top OMG I'm gonna die if I don't satisy my fandom hungers fangirls) BUt anyway I just loved it it was soo sweet, and I'm thinking if the writers keep saying there's never gonna be a canon Shenolope or Shenny or S/P or whatever you call it, than why, why on earth do they feeed the fangirls with episodes like last nights? I'm not saying I don't like it, in fact I am Shenny Shipper, I'm just saying and rambling nonsense like usual.

Anyway on to other things Star Trek came out today! WooT! Awesome I loved that movie it was sooo Eeee! I'm not that big of a Trekie of anything, didn't see much of the orginal series the movie is based on, I wanna say roughly based on seeing as the creators changed the time/storyline. But yeah I don't really know much on the matter

Hmm in other news. I dog sit next week. YAY! Which means Filming!! Double Yay! Or at least hopefully filming thats when the new scheduled filming time was set but I'm not a 100% sure it will happen. I really hope it does but I still haven't found someone else to help like I need them too. :(


Anyway I beleive thats th end of this ramble, so tata for now.

OH! Before I forget, if you read this, feel free to leave comments, they can be describing how your day went or even sstating your opinions of something mentioned in the journal posts. You can ask questions, any questions that pop into your brain, I can't guarantee I'll answer alll questions, but will try my best to. ^^

Anyway TTYL

Long Time No Post

So really my life got real dull real fast. Not that it was ever of mucbh excitment, like the series I'm planning on filming (at least filming part of it)

Anyway packing for basic, I realize "Hey! I have no idea how to pack!" So I enlisted the help of my mother! Yep! And she helped by sitting next to the box and asking me questions and packing what I handed her, while I sorted and packed as well. Turns out my insecuritiies and stuff was all in my brain. Heh, I'm insecure! Dadada! Another epiphanie!

I really do have some issues don't I? But hey everyone has insecurities and if you dare tell me you don't well than you lie! Lie I say!!

Anyway as I was sayoing before my life has become well, blah, I haven't written any of my stories or fanfics like I promised I would, I haven't been running or working out like I really need to, all my attention has been focused on that film projject of mine I mentioned earlier. Which may not even begin filming before I leave for basic like I want. :( No! Ok no I plan to at least have some of it filmed at least the first episode (which is as lame as any other pilot out in the world ...seriously even after I have it posted I don't recommend watching the show until episode 2 than going back to episode 1 if you like)

But yeah.

OMGosh! I sooo need to tell you guys out there, I was woken up yesterday at 4 in the morning! Seriously 4 AM! by some dimrod who decided to go revving his stupid car engine as loud as he could, twice! Seriously who does that? I can understand some people bein up by 4 and wanting to get started on their day and all but really revving your engine while others are trying to sleep!? AUGH!

Ok thats rant done and over with. So to sum up my life.

I plan on filming a short episode of my series before leaving for basic on the 8th
Pretty much all my stuff is packed
I've been watching Inuyasha instead of writing like I need to be
And I'm going to die in basic training because I haven't been working out or running

Ok now that we're all caught up....how have you been? ^_^